bukan pada umumnya
Baru selesai membaca buku Paul Arden “Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite”. Di dalam buku ini si Mr. Arden menjelaskan dalam bahasa kata dan gambar yang lugas bagaimana cara berpikir yang ‘seperti biasanya’ akan menghasilkan sesuatu yang juga ‘biasa’ saja. Lihat lah salah satu slogan yang ada di buku ini: ‘The Benefits of Making Bad Decisions’. Provoking, isn’t it? Aku suka buku-buku semacam ini, yang mencoba orang untuk berpikir atau bertindak secara tidak biasa, seperti juga buku Malcolm Gladwell “Blink” yang punya slogan ‘The Power of Thinking without Thinking’. Dare to be different itu yang seringkali bisa mendorong ide-ide kreatif dan penemuan-penemuan besar.
Tentu saja setiap orang, terutama para praktisi, punya basis argumentasi masing-masing dalam menelurkan teorinya. Dan sah-sah saja bagi praktisi lainnya untuk mengemukakan teori yang berbeda ataupun berlawanan dengan teori yang telah dipaparkan oleh seorang praktisi sebelumnya –seperti halnya buku yang kulihat di salah satu toko buku yang berjudul ‘Think!’. Sub-judulnya berbunyi (kalau nggak salah): Why Decisions Can’t be Made in A Blink of Eyes’. Mungkin buku ini memaparkan antitesis dari bukunya Mr. Gladwell. Yah, memang demikianlah ilmu pengetahuan berkembang dan berevolusi. Ada thesis, ada antithesis dst dst. Proses dialektika, kata orang-orang.
Kembali pada topik di paragraf pertama di atas, aku teringat obrolan-obrolanku dengan seorang teman cowok jaman kuliah dulu, yang memang rada suka ‘bergunjing’ dan ember…hehehe. Dulu, bila melihat cewek-cewek korban mode (atau secara positif bisa dibilang sebagai cewek-cewek yang selalu update dengan trend terbaru) dia pasti akan berkomentar “CPU..CPU..” kependekan dari Cewek Pada Umumnya. Hal serupa pernah pula dilontarkan oleh seorang teman cowok yang lain, yang kebetulan orang asing. Dia menyatakan keheranannya karena menurut dia perempuan-perempuan Indonesia yang dilihatnya suka sekali tampil ‘seragam’. Kala itu kukatakan (dengan semangat ‘jelek-jelek, negeri sendiri’ =P) bahwa fenomena semacam ini bukan hanya terjadi di Indonesia tapi pasti terjadi di negara dia juga. Pun fenomena semacam ini tidak hanya terjadi di kalangan perempuan, tapi juga laki-laki. Ingat fenomena ‘rambut Beckham’?
Namun, harus aku akui bahwa orang Indonesia secara umum memiliki ‘kemampuan’ (atau kemauan?) mengikuti trend yang melebihi ‘kemampuan catching up’ orang-orang bangsa lain. I am not talking about the fashion-nista lho, karena mereka, di negara mana pun berada, pasti akan selalu trendy. Here I am talking about the ordinaries. Dan ini tidak hanya terbatas pada mode dan fashion, tapi hampir di semua hal, mulai dari gadget elektronik sampai kue donat. Apa pun yang baru di Indonesia (atau ini hanya fenomena di Jakarta saja?) pasti diserbu dengan gegap gempita.
Temanku seorang Indonesia yang pindah dan sekarang berdiam di Eropa pernah merasa malu hati karena dia yang berasal dari negara ‘miskin’ ternyata punya handphone yang lebih trendy dibandingkan handphone rata-rata orang Eropa. Yah, mungkin memang kita masih berada di peradaban ‘judge the book by its cover’. Itu lah sebabnya masyarakat kita menjadi target pasar yang amat sangat potensial sekali. Seperti kata salah satu iklan telepon selular, ‘kalo semua pakai ******* kenapa harus beda?’….ketinggalan jaman banget deh ‘lo!!!
Uncategorized | Comment (0)top of the world
It’s raining and I feel bored. So, sorry if this piece turns out to be long.
The recent discussion on my alumni-mailing list has
developed to very interesting topics. It was all started from a question from a
friend on the shocking news about an alumnus that is suspected to kill her
children –all of them are under 5 years old (balita). The question was soon
became a very hot issue, got a lot and diverse comments. All of them are very
enriching for me, some of them have even slapped me on my face and make me
think, for example a comment from a friend saying how mass media can be so
damaging and ignore the basic principle of presumption of innocence. We don’t
talk about the suspect here (as of course it’s a huge huge burden for her), but
most of it is the family of hers. The husband, the parents, the siblings, the
relatives –-all the unknowns that of course have hearts and I am sure it’s hurtful
for them as well.
The discussion has also been evolving broader and broader,
from the analysis about what could be the “reason” of the act (the
psychological and physiological aspects), to the very nature of human needs of respects and self-existence, to the role of housewives that until now,
sadly to say, is very very taken for granted by our modern society (and it’s
even more sadly to say, most of the time it’s the women themselves that retain
such undermining view of housewife’s role in their head –as a friend
experienced). Some of us, including me, departed our analysis from this point
of view (well, I admit that it’s mostly due to the influence of the media that
gave sort of ‘superhuman-but-feeling-unworthy’ description about her).
Related to the above description, the last comment I read just now is quite interesting. A friend’s saying that to some extent,
becoming us –-the students and ex-students of Tuttekdung (copyright by Tissa hehehe)–
is not easy. There are such huge burdens especially from people around us that
expect more from us. The kind of “social standard” for us as if we’re “superhuman”.
And it has been planted as well to our heads from the first day we entered that
sitting-elephant gate. Let me share with you the story of us and how we have been “crafted”
systematically to be a “superhuman”.
Brainwash No.1: We’re the special and chosen ones
In welcoming us, the rector and other professors will tell
us how special we are. They will present to us (and our parents –-ya..ya..your
parents will be invited to the institution to hear this kinda remarks) some
statistics that show our position. Yes, you are there, on the tip of the
pyramid. You’re there on the top of the world. So, there’s no reason for you to
not being successful. If you get D or E on your exam sheet, you’re a loser. But
getting an A is not easy as well…of course! We’re not that regular
institution that give away A grade just like that, right?!
Brainwash No.2: Mens sana in corpore sano
Yeah…yeah…you are bright as the stars…but what the use of it
if you don’t have that physical health. Sounds reasonable huh? But what if your
healthy state is measured by a grade resulting from how much time you spend in
running around a football field –-6 times by the way. Or how skillful you are
in a sport –-can be swimming, tennis, badminton, basketball, arching, athletics,
martial art, etc. They don’t check your blood pressure, or your cholesterol
level, by the way (ehm…it’s how we measure our health, isn’t it?). Don’t like
sport? You’re a loser, pal!
Brainwash No.3: It’s hard out there, so you have to have
a strong mental state
Being harassed intellectually by your professors? Being
called stupid? or given a book titled something like ‘how to use your brain’? Piece of
cakeeee! Not enough, your senior brothers and sisters will make sure that you
have bold nerve by giving you exercises called ‘os’ (abbreviated from ospek)
–-during the whole first year—before you can enter this ‘alpha-beta-kappa-like’
Himpunan and award you with a piece of jacket. Some individuals that were brave
enough not to join this ritual have to bear a kind of social alienation from
the others (not in my department, fortunately, but in many others this
situation applies). C’moonnn….you won’t cry because of this, will you? The
world out there is harder than you think. Be strong!!
Brainwash No.4: Look at those alumni! Imagine you’re one
of them someday
I forget once in how many years, there will be the alumni
gathering in the campus. There gather those big shots, public figures, some ministers
maybe, famous business persons, faces that you can only see on TV, coming with
those expensive cars, branded outfits, sophisticated gadgets, etc etc. Imagine
you’re one of them. Ehm…btw, you have to! Don’t ever dare to show up if you’re not eligible!
Brainwash No.5 (this is only for the gals, I speak on behalf of all of you as well my dear gal friends): You’re in the
stockpile of guys, just pick one as your future husband!
What? Don’t get a boyfriend from Tuttekdung? What the heck
were you doing all those years? Hellooooo…as if it’s as easy as picking an
apple from a tree! But please, don’t ever think of giving reasons for this
“failure”. It won’t work. They won’t believe you. Whatever you say, there are two
titles stamped already on your forehead: (1) you’re too picky; (2) you’re not attractive
enough. Next time you’re being asked, just smile, okay?!
Brainwash No.6: You’re Tuttekdung alumni, go collect some million bucks, will you
Don’t have those cars yet? What? Being a housewife? C’moonnn…what’s the use of that degree? Next time you’re asked why you don’t work (btw, the term "work" nowadays means that you do something that give you money as return. If you stay at home, take care of your children around the clock, sorry girl, you don’t work), give them this reply, "Why not?!". And don’t forget to give your sweetest smile.
Well, maybe there are many other examples, but I am not
saying all the above things because I revolted those brainwashes or system at that time. Not
at all! I was not brave enough to revolt at that time, or even worse, I was a
believer of those dogmas! I was part of it. I was part of the crowd that
maintains some of those “cultures”. But time after time, slap after slap have
awakened and educated me. That’s a pseudo pride, don’t ya think? Yes, we might have been
sharpened on our intellectual and rational part of ourselves, but we’re so poor
in our emotional part of it.
I was quite lucky for having hideaways where I can forget all
those burdens, where grades or himpunan-or-non-himpunan didn’t matter, where we
could laugh at our bad luck and made fun of it. I have been quite lucky that I
am stubborn enough and not to care about what people think. I have been sooo
fortunate that my parents never burdened me with expectations. I have been
grateful that I don’t have to prove anything to anybody. The heck with
society’s expectation!
I don’t say that I have totally freed myself from those
mindsets. But some people are not lucky enough. Some people must –-like it or
not— live up with others’/our society’s expectations. Some people just don’t have
that buffer-zone or safety-net around them. And every people have their own
coping capacity. Now I say that we have huge and difficult task to do: changing
the mindset of our society. Otherwise, what my friend referred as a kind of
potential genetic disorder can be manifested more and more, triggered by these social
pressures.
how ‘handsome’ are you? ;P
Yesterday on my way back from meeting with some old friends, I was having this chat with my friend’s wife and her friend. There we were, talking about….well, merely everything I may say — from pollution in East Java, to how they both met each other, to a hot news about a mother who killed her children –that happens to be an alumni of our alma mater, to a story about this young attractive sexy gal who dates an average-looking guy who happens to be driving an expensive car.
The latter topic was quite interesting as it’s already become a kind of stereotype that it’s quite impossible for an average-looking guy to date a ‘bening’-goddess-like gal, unless he drives some expensive cars, or happens to be son of some big-shots. Now, it’s not the era of the beautiful dates the handsome, unless they’re both famous. The benchmark of how guys are considered as ‘handsome’ is somehow shifted to something beyond physical appearance –as my friend’s wife put it accurately ;P “…you see, **** (mentioning a famous young Indonesian formula 3 racer) is not handsome!”
Well, it was a Sunday afternoon chat so it must not be serious, right? ;P So instead of saying that there is in reality a beauty-and-the-beast-like love story (hehhehee…is there? now I doubt it…), I responded by telling this story from Oprah Winfrey’s show I watched lately. The show was having Michael Jordan as the guest star. Michael was there on the show (to promote his new sport-wardrobe by the way), accompanied by his best friend Charles Barkley. Charles was shown there as a ‘blak-blakan’ person and often teasing Michael –like saying how people are foolish by saying Michael is handsome. Well, I myself consider Michael Jordan is handsome (so is Denzel Washington). But Charles had other opinion. He said boldly, “If you have half-million dollars in your pocket, of course you are handsome”. And that –according to these days’ global standard—ehmm…was not totally wrong…heheheee……
Suddenly I could hear my idol was singing loudly in my ears, “…coz we are living in the material world…and I am a material girl…you know that we’re living in the material world, and I am a material girl…”
Uncategorized | Comment (0)sh*t!!!! i am them(??!!)
This morning on the train from Jakarta to Bogor, I was struck by shameful fact of myself. There was no reaction from me seeing those unfortunate people asking for some rupiahs from me. I just sat there, looking at nowhere far away. There was no ‘butterfly-in-my-stomach’ reaction, like I have felt for so long everytime I take this train ride. There was nothing. And suddenly I felt so ashame and could hear myself saying "…sooo, this is the result of consuming those bitter pill regularly –you’ve become immune". Yes, I am immune now. I am them –those poker faces I see everyday…on the train, on the street, at the mall. I am one of those zombies, soulless creatures. And suddenly I want to scream!!!!
Uncategorized | Comment (0)you give chicken (and monkey, and dog, and pig, et.al.) a bad name =P
Malam itu di KRL ekonomi jurusan Bogor-Jakarta percakapanku dan teman-teman seperjalanan berputar di sekitar sebutan-sebutan ”menghina” yang dilontarkan antar manusia, entah bagaimana awal mulanya. Misalnya saja sebutan ”..anjing ’lo!” atau ”monyet ’lo!” atau ”..nyet..nyet..sini deh!” itu akan dianggap sebagai suatu hal yang menghina. Kenapa juga tidak menyebut ”..orangutan ’lo!”. Toh, orangutan agak-agak sebangsa setanah air dengan monyet juga. Tapi, kalau pun itu disebut, orang yang mendengar mungkin akan merespon dengan keheranan instead of merasa marah atau terhina. Bingung kan, kenapa hanya hewan-hewan tertentu saja yang dipakai dalam sebutan-sebutan "menghina" itu, dan apa alasannya.
Jadi teringat satu sesi chat dengan temanku si Harvard boy. Dia menyinggung-nyinggung kebiasaanku yang menurutnya suka ”hangat-hangat t** ayam”. Dia bilang, ”…you give chicken a bad name”. Well, in fact, it’s not only me. And also, it’s not only chicken..he..he..he…We –-human— give all those lovely animals –-God’s creatures—a bad name. Kalau dipikir-pikir, kasihan ‘juga mereka…masa’ sih disama-samakan dengan manusia =P
Uncategorized | Comment (0)again…reality slap
Kemarin aku berkenalan dengan seorang fotografer profesional yang sudah cukup malang melintang di dunia jurnalisme foto di Indonesia. Di tengah obrolan, dia menunjukkan hasil-hasil kerjanya yang memang oke punya. Foto-fotonya selalu menampilkan manusia dengan segala perilaku dan konteks yang meliputi kehidupan manusia tersebut, baik dalam bentuk single shots maupun dalam bentuk photo story. Dan salah satu photo story-nya telah berhasil dengan sukses membuatku shocked dan speechless.
Pernah menonton film dokumenter “Abandoned Child”? –kalo nggak salah judul. Film dokumenter ini dibroadcast oleh CBS (kalo nggak salah lagi =P) dan membeberkan bagaimana ‘one-child policy’ di Cina telah mengakibatkan terlantarnya ratusan bayi dan balita perempuan yang ‘dititipkan’ (baca: dibuang) oleh keluarga-keluarga yang tak menghendakinya di berbagai panti penitipan. Tak jarang, bayi dan balita perempuan ini harus menghadap kembali Sang Pencipta akibat kelaparan dan penyakit.
Nah, rasa shock yang serupa kurasakan ketika melihat foto-foto kawanku itu. Bahkan, pemandangan ini lebih membikin shock karena kenyataan ini asli berasal dari Indonesia. Made in Negeri Sendiri. “Lokasinya nggak jauh dari Jakarta,” katanya. “Haaa??!!!” Cuma itu yang bisa keluar dari mulutku.
‘Terbelakang’, ‘cacat mental’, ‘gangguan kejiwaan’ adalah beberapa sebutan yang kerap diberikan kepada saudara-saudara kita yang kebetulan terlahir unik tersebut. Dan ‘malu’, ‘tak sanggup memelihara’, ‘agar bisa dirawat’ adalah alasan-alasan yang kerap disampaikan oleh keluarga-keluarga yang ‘menitipkan’ mereka di panti-panti tersebut.
Kata kawanku, media-media enggan menampilkan kenyataan ini. Tentu saja. Ini adalah bogem telak terhadap wajah society Indonesia yang ‘ramah tamah’, ‘agamis’, dan menjunjung tinggi ‘nilai-nilai kekeluargaan’. Wuaaahhhh…..what a hypocrite society.
Dan aku cuma bisa menghela nafas panjaaaaaaaaaannnnnngggggg sekali…..
Uncategorized | Comment (0)